Talking About Talking

When we had kids, Ben and I had an agreement. I would deal with poop and throw up if he would deal with snot and blood. Those are two things I just cannot deal with. I can deal-but I’ll puke. I’m learning, however, something more disgusting than both of those: Tattle-tailing. Seriously. I hear “Peyton did this” or “Ellie is doing that” or the latest craze is turning the tale into a question like, “Why did Peyton just push me?” 🙄

I blame myself. I’m the queen of conversation. I love to talk! If there’s silence, I feel like I have to fill it. My first grade teacher told my mom at a conference that she had moved me all over the classroom and I talked. She even moved me by the filing cabinet…and I talked to the files. God gave me this talent to spread optimism and to share the good news that His Son died, was buried, and resurrected for YOU.

“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim His name; make known to the nations what he’s done.” -Psalms 105:1

“I tell you, whoever publicly acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man will also acknowledge before the angels of God.” -Luke 12:8

There is a downright scary side to being the mouth of the South. God has warned me about this as well:

“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.” -1 Peter 3:10

“The tongue is also a a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire on fire by hell.” -James 3:6

Yikes. That’s hot. Literally. I’m in a field where gossip is so prominent: drama. I am pursuing a degree in the field! So why is gossip so strong in the arts?

I debated on writing this blog today because I didn’t want any of my readers to think, “Oh, she’s talking about me.” Rather, I want EVERY reader to read this blog and choose positive speech with me.

My theory is this: When you criticize an instrumentalist’s playing, they can easily blame it on their instrument. When you criticize a vocalist’s performance, they have nothing to blame but self. It’s the same with acting. It’s no wonder vocal and theater performers are some of those most insecure folks on the planet! So we strive for security somewhere; maybe in the applause, in the role, but mainly in the drama. Other people’s drama.

I know this isn’t just a situation for the artists in the world, but it is a deadly situation that’s happening that consumes me and thousands of others often. So, I wanted to share some tips that I found that will help us with this epidemic. No wonder the road is narrow, right? (Matthew 7:13)

1. Just because you know it, doesn’t mean it has to be shared. Especially if it doesn’t pertain to you.

2. Ask yourself what the point of repeating the information is. Is it to benefit you? Is it to uplift someone else?

3. Is it true? Duh. Why would you share information that isn’t 100% true? It needs to be confirmed out of the mouth of the person.

4. Figure out the problem behind the gossip. Sometimes, we’re spreading the gossip because we are angry about them or something they’ve done. And be sure you aren’t guilty of doing the very act that you are accusing them of doing.

5. Do something about the problem. Get to the root of the issue. It may require you to exclude yourself from situations or people (like unfollowing folks on Facebook, removing yourself from social groups, etc). But it will be worth it!

6. Don’t talk to hear yourself talk. Talk to listen, not to talk. Your listener will thank you.

So what about the worst part-associating with other people gossiping?

1. Privately discuss the gossip issue with the person. Again, this may cause break of relationships, but you will benefit from removing yourself. And just think, you could be saving their life.

2. Think Long and hard before responding to a gossiper’s comment. One wrong response can put you in a bad place. Don’t puff up with pride about being asked your opinion on the subject. Someone dumb enough to gossip, truly doesn’t care about your response anyway.

3. Change the subject. This involves some hard core will power. No mater how juicy the gossip, use that self control. It is a fruit of the spirit, you know.

Bullying wouldn’t be an issue if gossip wasn’t an issue. I posted this as classroom decor last year, and it cut down Choir drama (no pun intended).

I heard this illustration once. If you leave a place with people, even if they’re just acquaintances, and they have to cross the bridge to get home, but you know the bridge is out, wouldn’t you tell them? You wouldn’t just watch them drive across the bridge and plummet to their death would you? NO! Nor would you attempt to just drive across the bridge with your hands in the air after hearing the bridge is out. Then hear what God says:

“But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of DEADLY poison.” -James 3:8

“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will PERISH.” -Proverbs 19:9

So, let me recap, because we don’t need to drive over the bridge today:

GOSSIP->SELFISH->SIN->DEATH

Not only will you be disrespected by God, but the people that know you are associated with gossip will disrespect you too.

When Ellie tattles on Peyton, my thought is never, “What a sweetheart for being so honest telling me what she knows.” Nope. My thought is, “If she does this in school, she will, surely, have no friends.” Think about that the next time you have to tell something. I’ll do the same.