Year 30

Today I start my thirtieth year of school. Let me explain: When I was 6 months old, my working parents put me in to a full time day care until I went to kindergarten. I soared through grade school, secondary, undergrad and grad school. I even got my degree in education so I wouldn’t miss a year. So why am I not on Year 31?

I was scheduled to intern in the spring of 2011 for my undergraduate degree in Music Education. You are required to complete all the course credit hours (check), receive acceptance into the Teacher’s Education Program (check), and pass your content field’s exam, known as the PRAXIS (no check). I failed my first exam…ever…and it just happened to be an exam that wasn’t offered except once in a blue moon for our state. I started taking the test a few semester’s before I student taught. That was a smart move on my part because I failed it five times before my final semester. Once all of my classes were completed, I had one final Praxis test to take. I had to travel an hour and a half from my house to take the test. I had studied for months taking mock exams, hiring a tutor, and taking all the “before the test” precautions to curb my anxiety. A few weeks went by, and I was supposed to call my adviser and let her know that I had passed so that she could confirm my student teaching placements. I clicked the link on the email, I prayed to God that I would pass while the link was loading, my score pulled up and I had….failed. By one point.

My heart sank. So many factors were affected by this failure. I couldn’t student teach in the spring, I had to push back graduation, I had to find some source of income, and I had to find some sort of boost to my ego; that was currently laying flat on the ground. As long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. I loved school: the schedule, the teachers, the impact. But, what was I supposed to do now with no end in sight to my dreams of one day being a teacher?

I’m a planner; a huge control freak. You can imagine how difficult an experience like this was on me. I like to sit in the driver’s seat. I know that I will be just fine as long as I have control of the wheel. But, a car going the opposite way can lose control just as easily if I’m in the passenger seat or the driver’s seat. There’s no guaranteed safe scenario.

However, we do have a safe-haven that we can rely on. When God has the wheel in our life’s scenarios, we are assured a safe and pleasant future. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” God doesn’t want me to just trust him with my Praxis; he wants me to trust him with my whole degree, educational career, and life. All the things work out according to the foundation that he is for us. James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it all pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”

During the spring semester of 2011, I got hired as an elementary music director at an independent school, a show choir director at a public school, founded a community children’s choir in the community, and opened up a music studio staffed by some of the most professional music teachers in the area. I rediscovered my “why” as a teacher. I realized the importance of pushing toward my goal of teaching-no matter the location may be.

The start to this school year feels a lot like that spring semester. Pretty much every area of my classroom is filled with unanswered questions. Usually, the possibilities are endless in terms of creativity and goal setting. Today, I sat at my desk stress out, beyond belief. I am a planner, and I have nothing to plan, because I fear the shows we work so hard for will be archived, once again, thanks to COVID. I felt stuck. I felt like I failed a test for the sixth time. Then it hit me: I am hogging the control. My God showed me all that I needed to learn that spring semester. All the opportunities I had that semester brought me a fall semester of student teaching, and concluded with multiple job offers. The principals kept telling me that my resume peeked their interest because it was set apart from the other candidates. If it wasn’t for those spring semester happenings, I would have just been another interview. But, God knew what He was doing as He took control of my life.

I am excited to see what opportunities God is going to provide myself and my students with during this time of uncertainty. I know it will be big, and I know it will be part of the great big picture that He sees. I continue to strive towards my goal despite the difficulty right now. I did the same thing that fall semester of 2011. I took my seventh Praxis at my university. The results came out, and you know what. I PASSED. His timing is perfect–always. As long a He remains in control, one day, COVID19 will just be a headline in a history book. But, next to our name, we’re going to have, in huge words, I PASSED.